Who I am is different. It’s unique, and very abstract to the heteronormative views in our society. Identifying as homosexual is accepted now more than ever before and people are slowly realizing that not everyone is straight. But, the hardest thing that our heteronormative society is trying to understand is not everyone is cisgender. There is a battle stirring around gender identities, especially when it comes to middle ground identities that fall along the non-binary spectrum.

Being genderqueer makes me invisible and unheard. Not knowing when I might need to speak up or when I need to accept the views society puts on me, leaves me in a state of anxiety I wish I could break free from. There are days where I wonder if I should just choose a box to check, but then I realize how unhappy I would be if I do so.

It took me a very long time to accept myself for who I am and how I feel. There were times that I wanted to bind and possibly begin transitioning to look more masculine, but I like the way I look and have come to love my body.

There are still days where I get anxious because I’m not looked at for who I am and people constantly using she/her pronouns for me doesn’t help. I wish they/them pronouns were more common and that people who are of the non-binary spectrum, like myself, don’t have to wonder how hard they have to fight today, just to be seen as themselves.

I reject the status quo and break through the categorical boxes of male and female that people try to put on me. This scares those who don’t want anything to change their heteronormative world. Due to them being the majority, society likes to shoves me far far away from the seeing eye.

Due to there hardly being any representation when it comes to non-binary identities, it’s hard for me to be heard and respected. There are some days it takes a lot out of me and other days I feel very confident in myself. It’s a constant battle starting when I wake up in the morning and I have to ask myself;

“How hard should I try today?”

“What can I do to make people look at me and not assume who I am as a person?”

“How can I portray to people that I’m neither male or female, but everything in between?”

“Why am I this way?”

These questions haunt me and follow me everyday like a thunderstorm of depression, sadness, and anxiety waiting to happen. Some days I wish I wasn’t who I am and other days I’m all about advocacy and spreading awareness. But when you deal with road blocks so often, you begin to wonder how much of a fight you have left within you.

This is something I’ve been struggling with a lot and I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way. Which is why representation and education is very important when it comes to these issues. People need to realize how important it is to talk to people with an open mind and get to know those who may not aline with what you’ve thought was the norm your whole life.

Even though my voice and view may not be the same everyone else’s, it still matters. Everyone experiences gender expression and gender identity in different ways. Even though it has been hard to live the life of my true authentic self, I’m much happier than I used to be and am more confident in myself. The emotions I have are still valid and can not only be a source of education, but can also help others understand who I am and how I feel.