There’s No Point In Watching The Oscars


Markis Turner, Copy Editor

The Academy Awards, more commonly known as The Oscars, is just a meeting of rich sellouts giving ludicrously expensive gifts as pseudo bribes to toot their own horn. Since not everyone has millions of dollars just laying around, The Oscars have become the same handful of movies nominated for every award. And even after that, the winners of The Oscars are extremely predictable. But it’s that time of year again! The time of year where people argue about which movie will get pointless tiny gold men! The truth, it doesn’t matter what the general public thinks. After all, it’s not the general public that decides who wins, it’s The Academy.

Granted, this makes sense. Why should people, who generally know little about the process of making a film, decide which one had the best cinematography or editing? How would they know the pressures of being an actor and just what it takes to make the character believable? What about directing? The general public doesn’t know a lot about movies, only that they’re both fun and expensive. So having it be decided by people who do know this stuff makes sense.

Except, it’s no longer  up to The Academy which movies get in. It’s up to the people of the film and how much money they’re willing to spend. Film makers hire specific people to get their movie stuck inside The Academy’s brains like a parasite so they can get nominated. And once they’re infected with this parasite and nominated, the parasite starts wiggling and digging deeper to make sure they win. So what do these people do? Bribe them, of course.

While The Academy doesn’t take bribes, they might as well. These professional parasites don’t pay with cash, they pay with gifts. In 2013, one of the members of the Academy talked to a reporter of The Hollywood Reporter about his votes for that year.

In the article, the anonymous member said, “I’ve gotten books, cookbooks and just about everything short of “Lincoln” (a film nominated that year) condoms. It’s ridiculous.”

Because of these technically not bribes, the nominated movies are very limited. Even the awards for acting are reserved for the actors starring in the limited movie list. Furthermore, because of the limited list, it’s easy to tell which ones are going to win.

The term “Oscar Bait” refers to a specific kind of film that usually pulls in Oscars. These qualities include: being set in the past, having to do with a major tragedy of some sort (such as The Holocaust), films about the filmmaking process, and the films that are set in the present usually have a protagonist who is disabled in some way. These are all attempts to pull at the heartstrings of The Academy, so they can cry and feel good about themselves. And since these films have such an important message or lesson, they get nominated and win tons of awards. Want to find the winner of any award? Find the one that checks the most of those boxes.

At the end of the day, it’s all a giant cash grab. Sure, actually good movies will still win awards, but to even get nominated still requires a pseudo bribe. But what do they care? The fact that a film gets nominated for an Oscar will severely increase the amount of money they’ll make in the box offices. Really you’re just watching the fruit of the labor of a rich guy’s sad movie and his designated parasite.